Loisanne's Blog

The meandering path of my life

*&$^#)%&!

That’s because I  couldn’t find an appropriate word for the title of this post.

As you may have guessed, this probably isn’t going to be a “nice” post. Sorry people, even an optimist like me goes on a rampage once in a while.

What is amiss, you ask?

Well, things aren’t exactly going my way at the moment. Plus, I may be having some hormonal imbalance thing going on. Not good. Normally, my scales of  “happy” and “bitchy” have a lot of slack in them…meaning, it takes a lot of crap heaped up on the “bitchy” side to tip it past the point of no return. My hormones  seem to change the specs on my scales though and there’s not much tolerance for crap before I go off the deep end.

No, I don’t scream and yell and throw a fit, but the rage inside me is rather frightening. It passes, I know it will. I tell myself it will. I just have to think of something else and get through the “moment”. Not an easy thing to do sometimes though. Especially at work.

I know everyone thinks they are a good worker and that they do more than their fair share and that they are taken advantage of, so I guess in that respect, I’m no different than anyone else. The difference is…I’m being truthful…LOL. No, I’m not the best cake decorator in the world. No, I”m sure I’m not the fastest. But I’m better and faster than the other decorators I work with, than probably most of the decorators employed by the company I work for. I’m not bragging, I’m just confident. The ladies I work with will tell you the same thing.

My problem is this: my boss takes advantage of me and takes me for granted. I know, that’s a boss for you. Pisses me off though. Especially lately. Point in case: I was off  Wednesday and Thursday. There was a wedding cake order to be done on Thursday. Tamra can’t do wedding cakes. Christina can (although she will make you wonder if she’s going to have a nervous breakdown in the process) but she was working at another store. I said I would come in(an 18 mile trip, one way) and do the cake. I did. Took me less than two hours from start to finish.  Overtime. Or so I thought. Donna came to me a couple of days ago and asked me to try and take off the time. I said “Really? You’re gonna make me take that off?” She backed down and said, “No, since you made the trip in, you can keep it.” The next day, Dale (store manager) came and told Donna that I was going to have overtime and Donna promptly called over to me “Lois, you’ve got overtime to take off”. WHAT THE FUCK? What happened to “Since you made the trip in, you can keep it”? I would have thought she would have at least told Dale the situation and had my back, even if Dale wouldn’t have ok’d it.

Am I wrong for being pissed? I think not. Needless to say, I won’t be helping them out again. They can go fuck themselves for all I care.

So, that’s all it took for my thoughts to start spiralling downward and every memory of every bad situation I’ve ever had at work came flooding back…the days I requested and didn’t get….the year I’ve worked without a sunday off…all the times I’ve got blamed for shit going wrong that someone else did…all the responsibilities that keep getting shifted onto my shoulders and then the griping when my other duties don’t get done….etc….etc.

It was NOT good. It doesn’t help that I’m having issues at home as well…wages garnished, possible forclosure on my house, the threat of having to move in with my Mom looming in my future. Not that those would be totally terrible things. Ok, living with my Mom would be…LOL…but I’d survive.

The point is, it probably wouldn’t take too much for me to give my notice at work and say “fuck it”. Throw in the towel. I’m already prepared to lose my home. Not the worst thing that could happen. Plenty of other people have had it happen and lived through it. I would like to be able to sell it…but if it gets taken, it won’t be the end of the world. To tell the truth, I have a feeling that it will be like a weight lifted off me. I’ll be free of it. Free of the responsibility of it all. And while I may have to live with my Mom for a while, I’ll eventually get my own apartment and things will be back to normal.

There’s really only one thing that keeps me from throwing in the towel. Phil. I have a trip to England planned in November, and if I were to quit and start a new job, they might not let me have the time off. And I NEED that time off. Come hell or high water, I’m taking my trip. If I have to sell my soul (not that it would be worth much…LOL) I’d do it. I’ve wanted to see England most of my life and now that I have the chance to do it…and with a wonderful sweet man as my guide…nothing is going to stop that. Not even me…LOL.

So, I guess I’ll bite my tongue and keep my temper under control and try to think pleasant thoughts. At least until November.

Wish me luck.

Ciao for now

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March 23, 2011 Posted by | Life, Work | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Apathy

Yeah, I gots it. Pathetically apathetic. That’s me.

I would hate for you to see my house right now. I haven’t even been able to bring myself to clean. I do the laundry becuase I have to have clean clothes to wear to work. At least I’m still going to work.

Maybe it’s the heat. It’s been really hot here lately. Makes it hard to do anything. I haven’t been writing either. I have been drawing, but that’s about all I’ve been able to make myself do. Life hasn’t been very exciting or comforting to me lately. I know, it’s all a matter of perspective. My perspective has been kinda sucky lately. Maybe it’s hormonal. I’m pretty sure I’m pre-menopausal. Might have something to do with getting my hours cut at work too. 32 hours this week. Sucks. I can’t really bitch too much though, everyone else is getting theirs cut too. Oh yeah, I really don’t like the new decorator, Billie. She’s a pain in the ass. I have given up on trying to be nice to her. Fuck that (excuse my language).

I think I’m turning into Walter (one of Jeff Dunham’s alter egos). I just can’t seem to be bothered with tolerating certain people anymore. I hate to say it, but some of them are family…LOL. Life is just to short to waste time on people that piss you off though. Why even try to be nice or include them in your life if they are only going to bring you grief?

Yeah, I’m on a roll this evening. Sorry, I just feel like venting and this is as good a place as any. It doesn’t help that it’s late and I’m tired and my right ankle hurts because I’ve been favoring my left knee that hurts.

Why yes, I would love some cheese to go with my whine…LOL.

Ok, I’ll give it a break for now. Ciao!

August 10, 2010 Posted by | Family, Life, Work | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Venting Philosophically

Today I need to vent…in a philosophical way. I can do it philosophically today, because I have mostly (not completely) got over my anger.

What do I need to vent about, you ask?

My work situation. I love what I do, cake decorating is a fun, creative job. It’s a job though. That’s not what I have to bitch about. It’s the job environment.

In the bakery department of the grocery store where I work, there is a stressful aura that surrounds us all, sometimes hardly noticeable, sometimes heavy, that emanates from our manager. She cultivates it, feeds off it. I haven’t figured out WHY she likes to breed discontent and hostility, but she goes out of her way to do so. Mostly, it all seems like she doesn’t know what she’s doing…like it’s unintentional, but if you’ve been around her for any length of time and know her at all, you realize it is just deception. The woman gets something out of causing people to resent each other, ruining their plans, making life harder for them in general. Maybe she’s miserable and as the saying goes, misery loves company.

I don’t know. I’ve thought and thought about it and can come up with no explanation other than she’s miserable and has some really bad mental/emotional problems. Not good qualities in a boss. It’s very counter-productive in a workplace. This isn’t a playground where you’re the queen and can play favorites or bully people.

 What brought all this on? I’m getting there…LOL.

About a week ago, I mentioned to this “boss”, the wonderful, helpful attributes of one of my coworkers. I told her how this person was very helpful and instrumental in getting product (decorated cakes) out into the cases (cakes in the cases mean more sales, more sales means more money, more money means more hours for the employees). I told this “boss” how grateful I was and how this coworker does more to help me out when I’m really busy than the other employees. I just wanted her to know about things that happen when she’s not there. I thought I was doing something good. NOT.

I found out a couple days ago, from the coworker who’s praises that I sang so beautifully, that she was taken aside by said “boss” and told that she was not to help me in future.

Now are you starting to understand where I’m coming from?

I couldn’t believe my ears when she told me that. I felt terrible for having said anything at all. I was so angry and upset. First, for the fact that my coworker got in trouble for doing something nice, something that was good for the bakery, something that she had the extra time to do. Second, that my “boss” cared less about the bakery than I did, she didn’t care if there was product to sell or not, and obviously didn’t want to promote teamwork among the employees.

Knowing this “boss” the way I do, I can’t really say it shocked me, but it really angered me. How is a person supposed to be concerned about their work, care about doing a good job, when their “boss” doesn’t, when their boss seems to be working AGAINST that goal? It’s very disheartening.

My coworker quit the day she told me what happened. Her day went from bad to worse (which doesn’t take much when you’re persecuted by your “boss”) and she just walked out. I applaud her. I wish her all the best. I hope she finds a much better job than she had, with a boss that appreciates her.

That said, I believe there is a reason, a purpose for all things. I have to believe there is a better job out there waiting for my coworker and the Universe had to give her a push (out of this job) in order for her to find it. I believe the Universe works that way. I believe this “boss” of mine has a purpose as well. It’s sad that she is the way she is, she can’t be happy, but there has to be bad as well as good in the Universe. We learn and grow from the conflict and difficulty in our lives. If we never faced any problems we would be soft and spoiled. It is the hard times we experience that make us appreciate the easy. Everything has purpose. I learn that more and more all the time.

So, what lesson or purpose do I think my “boss” serves for me?

Compassion and pity. When the anger of the moment goes away, I feel sorry for her. I think her purpose for me is to “see” the flawed person that she is and wish for her to be a better one. Sounds easy, but it’s not. There are so many things to be angry with her for, so many reasons to wish bad things on her, paybacks, that it’s hard to put those aside and wish good for someone like that. I think that’s my lesson though. I’m working on it. I’m trying.

March 22, 2010 Posted by | Friends, Life, Work | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Another day

It finally got above freezing today. Here it is, 37 degrees, and I’m excited. Tomorrow is supposed to get up to 44 and be sunny. I love it. I’m off tomorrow.

I haven’t really given much thought to what I’m going to write about for my “Weekly Writing Rant” tomorrow. I’m finding it difficult to come up with new topics. Well, I have ideas for topics, just don’t think I’m very qualified to talk about them. Most of the stuff I’ve discussed so far is stuff that I’ve had to deal with in some way. Since I’m a rather inexperienced writer, I haven’t dealt with a whole lot.

I haven’t been writing much at all lately. I’ve mostly just been writing in my journal or doing the Facebook thing. I’ve had a lot going on in my personal life. Still do. It’s slowly but surely getting taken care of though. I think I can make out a little pinpoint of light at that end of the dark, depressing tunnel I’ve been traveling through. The end is near. Knowing that takes a little of the load off. I wonder if old people feel that way when their end is near? I guess it just depends on the person and their beliefs.

Even though I haven’t actually been writing, I’ve been thinking about writing. Yeah, I know, it’s not the same…LOL…but thinking is a valid part of the process. Today, while having a conversation with Teresa, my coworker, I had an idea for a story blossom in my head. It started with one of the cake orders I was working on. It was a white cake with lemon filling….and chocolate icing. Gross. Anyway, I told Teresa that they must be aliens because no human could like such a combination. That was the bud of the idea. Throughout the day I toyed with it until I had the basics for a story plot. No, I”m not going to tell you…LOL. It’s my idea.

Well, as much as I’d like to stay and chat, I really do have to go cut some wood. It seems like that’s an every day occurance. And while I really don’t mind cutting wood, I don’t like doing it in the cold…or the dark…so I better get outside and brave the former before the latter descends.

January 10, 2010 Posted by | Life, Work, Writing | , , , | Leave a comment

Saturdays Suck

alien 2

Saturdays take their toll on me

Well, my petitioning of the Universe worked. I had help at work today. It still sucked. It could have sucked worse, so I’m not actually complaining (really, I’m not), but it’s been a long time since I’ve had one that sucked this bad. I’m sure it won’t be the last though.

Aren’t I a ray of sunshine?

I’m really glad to have THAT part of my day over.  So now, here I am, home, alone, enjoying the peace and quiet that reigns supreme when the children are at their Father’s. I have changed into my scary “lounging” clothes and I’ve eaten my dinner. Now it’s time to get down to business.

I haven’t written anything today. I’ve hardly even thought about writing today, I’ve been so stressed. Maybe this evening will be better and I’ll surprise myself by writing some more on my story. If not anything new, then maybe I’ll at least get some more of the outline typed into the computer. That really needs to be on the top of my list since the story seems to be getting more detailed and complex all the time. It’s so freaking exciting! Sometimes I have a hard time believing that I actually came up with all this. I know, I sound very egotistical. I assure you though, I’m not. Sometimes I don’t feel like it’s me writing this at all. I feel like someone whispers ideas into my head and I just write it all down. We shall see how good a secretary I am…LOL.

I guess I should start telling everyone a little about my story, since that’s the main purpose of this blog. I’ve written a tentative synopsis that I will post later. I’m not really sure if it’s a good synopsis or not, but it’s rather hard to get advice about that, as I have not yet finished the book, so no one has read it to see if the synopsis was right on target or not. I think you’ll get the general idea of where I’m going though. But it doesn’t stop there. Oh no, I have ideas for a couple more books. Who knows, by the time I get finished writing them, I may have ideas for even more. I may love writing about these characters so much that I won’t want to give them up. I just hope the public will love reading about them just as much.

Well, I’m not likely to get anything else done this evening if I keep writing in here. So I must bid you Adieu.

November 15, 2009 Posted by | Work, Writing | , , | Leave a comment