Loisanne's Blog

The meandering path of my life

Withdrawals

Yeah, this is yet another post about Phil…LOL.

Phil got a job. I knew it would happen sooner or later. He’s working for a company that makes train wheels. Good job. He started Monday. And I miss him!

First, you have to realize, when we got back in touch mid-December, his previous job’s contract had ended and it seemed like every time I got online, he was here. I spent nearly every evening sitting here talking to him, several hours at a time. Once we even chatted for 11 hours! Now nothing. Ok, not actually nothing. I got to chat to him for a little bit Monday evening and I’ve got a couple (short) emails off him. I’m having some trouble getting used to this though.

I sound selfish and greedy, don’t I? It’s ok, you can say it…LOL. I look at the above paragraph and I’m thinking it too. I want to say “Geez, what a whiney, needy, selfish bitch you are. Give the man some space. He’s trying to get some sort of routine going.”

Yesterday I was feeling abandoned. Today is a bit better for me. Today I am off work and I can see lots of possibilities for me without Phil being in here waiting for me. Things I put aside because there wasn’t time to do them and talk to Phil too. I have a lot of catching up to do.

Today I can see how it wasn’t good for me to be so obsessed with Phil. Today I can see how it’s a good thing he’s gone back to work and how it’s freed me to have “my own life” again. Of course, I could see those things before, I just refused to do anything about it…LOL. I told myself  “gotta enjoy every moment with him while I can, because this won’t last forever”. It was true. The moment has passed. I have some awesome memories from it too. And despite what I said about it not being good to be so obsessed, I wouldn’t change a thing. Which begs the question, “Would I do that again, should the same situation arise?”

Probably so.

LOL…I know what you’re thinking. I haven’t learned a thing. Oh contraire, my good friend. I just know myself. I know that if I still find Phil as interesting and captivating as I do now, I won’t be able to help myself. Things change though. Interest waxes and wanes. I’ve had several online friends that have come and gone. A few long term ones remain. None of them compare to Phil though. So I have hopes that he’ll be around a very long time.

I really miss him.

Today is ok though. The pains of withdrawal are tolerable today.

I’ll worry about tomorrow….tomorrow.

Ciao for now

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March 24, 2011 - Posted by | Friends, Life, Phil | , ,

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