Loisanne's Blog

The meandering path of my life

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I’m having one of those days….weeks….moments….episodes…whatever you want to call it.

I really don’t even know how to explain it. It’s just a feeling…a vague feeling of unease, anxiety, maybe a hint of paranoia. Like I said, it’s hard to put a finger on it. It’s a complicated recipe that you keep tasting, trying to figure out the ingredients, even though it tastes terrible.

I don’t know why I’m feeling this way. Is it because of actual things that are happening in my life, or is my perception skewed, causing me to see those things in a different way? I have to admit, it’s probably my perception…not that things have been going all that rosey in my life. I’ve noticed how much my perception changes lately…due to hormones, lack of sleep, physical discomfort, someone pissing me off. Knowing that my perception may be a little wacky doesn’t help matters though. I seem to be a creature of feelings, moods…as inconvenient as it may be.

Could this be menopause?

I ask myself that question more and more. I’ll admit, I’m probably just pre-menopausal. I’m only on the brink of 43. Still, I feel like I’m changing into something else…and it’s no butterfly. The movie “Alien” comes to mind.

I don’t really know why I’m writing all this in here. I like to keep this blog mostly on the topic of writing. Yeah, I write some of my day to day stuff in here but it’s hardly the place to talk about my mental instability. Oh well, it’s not like anyone is going to read it. I can always delete it later if I want.

Well, it’s getting late. I’m beat. Maybe my emotions will do a 180 and I’ll wake up feeling great. Stranger things have happened.

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January 4, 2010 - Posted by | Life

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